Will There Be Time for the Good Stuff?

My favourite part of my stay at home mum day happens around 8:30am. Steve's gone. We're up and downstairs but still in our pyjamas. I've done some essential Mummy-chores like changed her night nappy, put a load of washing on and given her her Weetabix. She gets down from the table and I make myself a slice of toast and a cup of tea. Then we haul up in the lounge and have a good 30-60 minutes of down time. She brings me books to read, she demands kisses and wriggly cuddles, I drink tea... No one's calling. It's very rare we have to be anywhere this early. The light in our lounge is lovely in the morning. It's all just really really nice.

There's a few other times of the day like this, but this is my favourite. Why is it so great? Well, yes that down time is important because caffeine and a sit are nice, but really that downtime is important because those are the moments I can seriously enjoy my baby. When I smell her head, kiss her all she'll let me, I read books with voices and I sink in the sofa under the weight of the little person who's wiggling all over me.

Now I have fears about baby two. Of course I do. Anything that's important makes us anxious. Anxious we'll lose it. Anxious we won't do it justice. Anxious our expectations are wrong. Anxious something will take us away from it. Just, anxious.

One of my biggest fears is that the logistics of two babies will rob me of times like my morning down time. That by the time I get done with two morning nappies and two loads of washing and two bowls of Weetabix will there be any kisses? Any books? Any wriggly cuddles? And if there aren't when will I enjoy my babies? When will it all slow down enough for those moments? Do I even get these moments? Will life become all about the necessary stuff and we'll never get the good stuff?

I think back to being a first time Mum and how there were so many unknowns and so many fears. I think back less far to when I was a brand new Mum and I first started to realise "Hey! I can totally DO this!" there's an opportunity here to teach myself a few lessons in not worrying about things before they happen (it only took me 29 years Mum) and in having faith in my own abilities.

It will be fine. I will make time. I know I care too much not to. And any chaos that reigns as a result is good chaos and the chaos we were always after as a family.