I keep starting and stopping posts tonight. I can't seem to hang on to a thought. So I am going to take some advice from a (deeply moving) link I read earlier in the week and it is half in response to some criticism I received during the week about this blog not being "real" enough...
"Work hard to find the beauty in each stage of your child's life. When you are washing the jam off your face, know that someday you will pine for that unsolicited kiss of a child. When you are cleaning the crumbs from the car seat, know that one day they will be driving away from you. When you are in the midst of whatever battle royale you find yourself in, know that every moment is a gift, even the sucky ones."
Call it idealistic. Call it stupidity. Call it a check out of reality. Call it narcissistic. I don't care. As it goes, not all the time but most of the time, I don't want to sit here and wallow in the boring woes of a mothers day. I choose not to focus on the fact she didn't eat all her dinner and I filled her up on yoghurt instead. I feel no need to relay the moments she kind of irritated me with her whines about not being allowed to play with the toilet brush. I don't feel better for whining about my 6:00am wake-up (it might be 5:00am tomorrow so best I get on with it).
Feels like too often positivity is read as naivety. I don't need to exude apathy to prove I'm living a real life. And I do think there's something to be said for what a friend told me once... That if you smile it sends happy endorphins around your body and you feel happier.
Maybe it's worth a thought.