Saturday, 19 May 2012


Last week I touched a bit on how Mums can compete and how we can be so emotionally attached to our performance as a parent it can leave us feeling vulnerable etc etc...

Well with this somewhere in the back of my babyfied brain I packed myself and little madam off to a good friends baby shower today. Now I have met a few of these girls there before at said friend's hen-do and wedding so was perfectly happy to chat away with a few of them. Anyway due to Euna being with me and the focus of the day being all things baby you can imagine what much of conversation evolved around.

Long story short there was a girl there who had given birth 8 weeks before me... And do you know what? (What Charlie? Pray tell!) She completely LIED about both her birth story! Unbeknownst to said new Mum a mutual friend had told me about her birth (I don't believe she would have imagined it was a secret). Anyway point being she told a complete fabrication! She told me it only took 3 hours and she pushed for 20 minutes... no mention of the additional 24 hours, the 3 visits to hospital where she was sent home, the 2 HOURS pushing and the intervention!

Now she told me all this just after she had asked me about my birth (must write birth story) failed home birth, nearly 30 hours long of established labour, the resort to drugs (which I had hoped I wouldn't need) and  ALL! Do I disclose all because I am happy with my birth story? NO! My birth was faaaar from what I imagined... suffice to say the champagne that we put in the fridge when my contractions first started took 9 weeks to be opened. But I am honest because it's the truth and I see NO benefit from lying about it.

So this played on my mind. At first I was angry. Isn't this kind of thing what leads to making other Mum's feeling insecure and inferior? Where's the"sisterhood" (cringe I know but for want of a better word)? What's the motivation? Especially as how my birth was (as described to her) FAR from "ideal"!

Then I thought how sad. What a cripplingly emotive thing this child birth fiasco is! Not only is it painful and wrought with worry for our unborn babies BUT also we have to worry about getting through it with dignity and grace. We know we will have to tell the tale a MILLION times for the rest of our lives and we want it to be a good one. We want retell how our bodies blossomed and bloomed and thanks to phenomenal self control we bore our children with little more fuss that a few deep breaths. WELL THAT'S JUST NOT REALISTIC FOR US ALL! Desirable? Yes. Always possible? Of course not. But we're only going to feel WORSE if everyone starts lying about it...

Lesson - Be honest! Because we owe it to each other to tell it like it is. Not put pressure on each other regarding things that mostly are out of our control. My name's Charlie, I didn't dilate, I needed an epidural and someone had to turn my baby to get it out. There. :)

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