Sometimes the easiest thing to do is change...

I have felt really uneasy the last 48 hours.

I shouldn't. Everything is fine.

Euna's back to good health. I'm fine. We're fine. Everything IS fine.

The only problem is that I am a habitual problem solver. I embrace change. Infact I LOVE change. Thrive on it. I always used to love the first day of the school year. I would spend the last two weeks of summer fantasising that my new hair, coat, pencil case, lip gloss, attitude... whatever, was going to change everything that year. I would come back to a new timetable, new classmates, new teachers and with my new hair, coat, pencil case, lip gloss or attitude and magically be this or that girl and EVERYTHING would be transformed.

Perhaps it was the absence of a theme tune following me down the corridor that meant I never made my  Tai from Clueless' transformation into cool? Regardless I still love change. I love moving house. I love moving location. I love new social circles. I love new jobs. I love new projects.

Maybe this is why I LOVED becoming a Mum, because everything changed!
Now am I addicted to change? Maybe. Is change a crutch? Definitely sometimes. I have certainly been guilty of changing an entire situation when what I really needed to do was tackle a detail in a way that intimidated me.

My point is there is nothing I need to change right now. I have rehashed and re-rehearsed the work vs SAHM debate so many times it's bordering obsessive. Fact is, for me, for us and for now, the best decision is for me to stay at home. Yet at times I have needed to have the debate daily, simply to reassert the decision for myself. Probably because people all around me are making alternative decisions.

Right now I need to stay the same. I need to do much the same as yesterday.

I have often wondered if much of the hard work in parenthood lies in the lack of novelty. Seeing your baby crawl for the first time is WONDROUS. Stopping her making a beeline for the toilet brush for a eighth time whilst I wee is not.

Perseverence through the mundane is the struggle. Continuation through the same. Changing your perspective and finding enthusiasm for what you could see as drudgery. THAT is key.
I need to inspire myself through small changes rather than big ones.

You could spout the same as marriage advice I suppose.

Lesson:

Persevere through the mundane and learn to NOT rely on change.

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