Saturday, 25 August 2012

Work thoughts at bedtime... Warning this may ramble!

We have friends coming over tonight for take away and in preparation I'm getting baby girl to bed early. As usual I've overestimated the time I'm ahead of myself with a sleeping baby in my arms. So I'm just going hold her here a little longer and think...

Work. My first NCT friend goes back to work Tuesday. Amongst my fabulously driven and accomplished NCT ladies I am the only one with no immediate plans to return to work. The topic weighs heavily on our coffee meeting minutes. I can hear myself defending my decision to stay home. I don't think there's any judgement there and overall I am very happy at home for the while.

BUT I like to think of myself as reasonably intelligent and pretty creative. I think that classifies me as someone with something to contribute. The question is WHAT? I have a lot of passions. Dance, drama, writing, teaching, art history, photography... Etc. I know SOME about alot of things. I don't know alot about much though.

So... I was just sat here thinking how being a mum "fits" for me. I love it. I do. I thought I'd be running for the hills by now but I am SHAMEFULLY immersed in my baby bubble. I'm thinking about that "fit". I'm thinking is it realistic to imagine that feeling of "fitting" what you do in a professional role? Is everything I feel as being a mum hormonal or carnal in a "survival of the race" kind of way? Or should I imagine that this feeling should inspire me to find that feeling for a professional role? Is it ridiculously romantic to envisage that could be applied to a JOB? Or (continuing along the shamelessly romantic thread) is that what people find who win Nobel prizes and gold medals and Oscars find?

Silly post really. Just pondering... Work. When my babies run off and leave for school, friends, partners and beyond will I be able to fill that hole? Can anything take up hours in as rewarding a way?

Shit. That's either a terrifying or miserable or exciting thought. Guess it depends how good I'm feeling about my abilities.

Lesson: Nothing conclusive. The topic of work vs home vs mummying will require far more writing, thinking, talking and I am nowhere near motivated enough to start to think about leaving little A.

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