Second pregnancy. Second baby. What does that mean?
It means I've done it before and I know to expect everything I experienced before. Sometimes this reassures me. Sometimes it makes me realise I know nothing. Sometimes it makes me think I have this big black hole where the memories of my former pregnancy should be.
It's expectations. Again. Hello.
The planner in me uses them as bricks to build a picture of everything I need to expect and be prepared for. Of course the reality has been different. I've been slightly sicker this time. Slightly less tired. A lot more confident in my and my body's ability to see this through. A lot more anxious with the expanded knowledge of "what ifs".
I'm grateful for the differences and the new story these differences are writing for this little one.
The biggest difference has got to be in me and how aware I am that (if everything is as we hope it will be) there will be a baby at the end of this! First time around a baby was such an obscure concept. I didn't know how I would feel, how being a Mum would feel, what it would mean to be a family, care for a family and be loved within a family. I didn't know just how hard and fast you fall.
Parts of me grieves for that lost naivety. What a wonderful surprise discovering all of that was. Oh this is what everyone is talking about!
Better though is the excitement that replaces it. Now I know, whilst I don't know it all, I do know that love. I know how I feel about my baby when it comes. I know that bliss. I know what those little newborn "mip" noises do to your resolve. I know how that newborn smell sucks you in and ties you forever.
Oh I'm excited.
I'm also less worried about the practicalities. This time I know how all of the above that bonds you and means you just do it. You find ways. You get up. You carry on. You're far happier to do it than you ever imagined because you never factored in the love.
Here the story starts. We're feeling lucky and excited. And I can't what to do this on here!
I have just learnt that this is called a "selfie"...
It means I've done it before and I know to expect everything I experienced before. Sometimes this reassures me. Sometimes it makes me realise I know nothing. Sometimes it makes me think I have this big black hole where the memories of my former pregnancy should be.
It's expectations. Again. Hello.
The planner in me uses them as bricks to build a picture of everything I need to expect and be prepared for. Of course the reality has been different. I've been slightly sicker this time. Slightly less tired. A lot more confident in my and my body's ability to see this through. A lot more anxious with the expanded knowledge of "what ifs".
I'm grateful for the differences and the new story these differences are writing for this little one.
The biggest difference has got to be in me and how aware I am that (if everything is as we hope it will be) there will be a baby at the end of this! First time around a baby was such an obscure concept. I didn't know how I would feel, how being a Mum would feel, what it would mean to be a family, care for a family and be loved within a family. I didn't know just how hard and fast you fall.
Parts of me grieves for that lost naivety. What a wonderful surprise discovering all of that was. Oh this is what everyone is talking about!
Better though is the excitement that replaces it. Now I know, whilst I don't know it all, I do know that love. I know how I feel about my baby when it comes. I know that bliss. I know what those little newborn "mip" noises do to your resolve. I know how that newborn smell sucks you in and ties you forever.
Oh I'm excited.
I'm also less worried about the practicalities. This time I know how all of the above that bonds you and means you just do it. You find ways. You get up. You carry on. You're far happier to do it than you ever imagined because you never factored in the love.
Here the story starts. We're feeling lucky and excited. And I can't what to do this on here!
I have just learnt that this is called a "selfie"...
Not my own work, but certainly the best photograph that's been taken this week...
I always read but never comment.
ReplyDeleteBut.
Eeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
♥ Just finnished reading both of them ♥
ReplyDeleteWow. Congrats!!!! And thank you for your flowers.
Linda História e lindas fotos!!! Amei tudo!!!
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