Sunday Strolling...

These are from last Sunday... Our local church allowed access to their tower. For a suggested donation of £2 you could grab a cup of tea, peruse some hand knits and climb a fairly hairy series of ladders up past the bells and on to the tower! You could see from Clacton to Mersea Island to Bradwell power station!

Funny the little gems that sit on your doorstep...

Love, Enjoyment & Appreciation

Do you know what's really hard about parenting (for me)? Specifically the part of parenting that relates to the fact that there are no part time parenting roles... What's really hard is getting love, enjoyment and appreciated jumbled up in your head. When they wee all over your new top and now you have to change yourself and them, sponge the carpet, anti-bac the changing mat and keep your s&*$ at that crucial moment when you've got all three hands full and your toddler is about to pick up their own poo out of the potty to show you they're a BIG GIRL NOW... When those things happen and it feels like the planets are aligning to destroy your plans to get to the supermarket (which you didn't even want to go to ANYWAY!) and you think "right now... I bloody hate this..." 

That is you not enjoying parenting. You're not enjoying it because it's hard and it got on top of you and maybe you wanted to be better than overwhelmed in that scenario... Because ya know... So many of us are unhealthily unrealistic in our expectations of our parenting.

What it is not? It is not you not loving your baby. And it is not you being unappreciative of the miracle that is your child. 

It's you being a human being in a rubbish situation and thinking "this is rubbish". So often I don't allow myself that logic. So often I think how I'm a terrible mother because I don't like parenting right now and maybe that's the same as me not loving them right or maybe it's the same as me not getting that I am so divinely lucky to be so blessed with two beautiful children. 

And "terrible mother"! What's the overuse of that phrase all about? I'd like a pound for every time I hear at a coffee morning. "You're going to think I'm a terrible mother when you see what snack he's got..." "I was a terrible mother the other day..." "... so I just wiped the poo with my sleeve and carried on eating, I'm such a terrible mother!" etc. Have we got so desensitised to the concept of being a "terrible mother" with all our self-preservation speak that we really are so ready to think we can be terrible mothers?

Maybe it's more second time mum confidence speaking? But I'm doing one reflecting on Bow's babyhood at the moment and I realise he's had some hard phases. Most notably the 6 week period when he was 5-6 months old where he wouldn't be put down. At all. And that was hard. It was not an enjoyable time in my parenting "career". Did I love him less? No. Not for a second. Did I appreciate my son any less? No. Not for a second.

So keep them separate. My lesson this week. Which I'll have to learn again next week... 

Beach Maternity Shoot Part 2

So I post a couple of my beach maternity shoot pics in my last post... And I'm so chuffed with them I thought I'd post a few more! 

I must admit I think about being pregnant at least once a day and it's only a happy thought because I know we will try again at least one more (all being well)... But I'm not quite sure how I'll feel when I know I won't be doing it again! I really really hope that this feeling of being "done" comes to me, I can't imagine it as I am now.

For now, here's one lovely lady who doesn't have to think about that...

Feeling Some Work Confidence...

Happy bank holiday everyone! How are you spending it?

Summer is past the half way point and I'm hearing the odd murmur from people who are ready for Autumn. I'm not there yet... Pimms hasn't lost it's novelty yet and I feel like we should have at least one more paddling pool day and a beach trip left before I can sign off on summer. 

Work is busy and I think I'm coming out of that really vulnerable phase you have whenever you start something new. I can feel myself much more comfortable in my skin on shoots. I've slowed down, I stop, assess what I'm doing and actually say if something's not working. Most surprisingly I don't feel like a complete farce when I turn up to a shoot and tell someone "I'm the photographer". Still not calling myself "a photographer" which feels different and still rather ludicrous but this time next year maybe...

Speaking of work... Some maternity snaps on Frinton sea front I am totally adoring...

Nature. But I'll Book a Swim Class Just in Case...

I've been thinking about milestones recently. And I'm going to admit... It really messes with your head when they're not ahead on them! For 99% of the time you have a logical head on. It's fine. All children are different. You're (almost) certain it means nothing. But just every so often a thought or two pops in to your head. Someone else was already doing this by now. Is there something else I should be doing? 

Ah! Mummy-guilt! We meet again! It's been a while because I'm a laid back second timer... (ahem) 

 And I have to say this time it really got me. Mummy-guilt of the omg-I-haven't-done-nearly-as-many -things-with-my-second-born variety. Because I haven't. Because some days I feel like I could literally just do all the essential childcare-y tasks, you know the stuff that keeps them alive like feeding, watering and clothing, and have almost ZERO time left over. I have to make time all the time. Time never just happens. If I allowed it I would never come to a point in my day where I thought "hey, now I've got some time". If I ever get close to that point there's always a dishwasher to unload or a wash load to hang up. 

Not that I think there's a baby group on earth that would have my boy crawling by now. But it would be nice to know I had done my bit. Nice to know we're putting in some Bow time. So we've booked Sunday swimming lessons and making plans for Euna's preschool mornings come September. 

Also the health visitor popped by of this 9-12 month check and reassured my quivering bottom lip that was out in full force whilst I asked her if he was "too late" in a few things... Grip = got. This week I'm taking some pressure off myself and siding with nature over nurture on the great child development debate. 

Some MORE Mersea snaps... We are practically LIVING here this summer! 

A Sneaky Wedding Snap!

Apologies for the entirely uninspired literary side of my blogging of late... I'm an editing machine! Absolutely loving editing these wedding pictures! What's not to love about wedding photography? Cool locations. The most photo-shy are motivated to get their good side. Everyone's dressed up. Flowers, glass, laughs and kids. I'm hooked... I have another on the 22nd... Whoop!

Bow @ 9 Months...

Our little Bow-Bow seems to be blooming right now. We've come out of a fairly lengthy and very testing clingy phase and all of a sudden this little person is emerging. He loves the Tomy eggs, a cheap yellow maraca and a purple ball. He's moving by means of rolling, pivoting on his tummy and some very slow clumsy army crawling. 

Being his Mummy is a very rewarding job right now... So I thought I'd share a couple of recent snaps of him... :D

Learning Lessons & Feeding Ducks

When I started this blog I used to put a mini list of lessons learnt at the bottom of every post... I just remembered the other day and thought I'd revisit it because I feel like life has had me on one of those little hamster training wheels recently and I'm firing out lessons learnt (and remembered) all the time. 

So what am I learning? 

Toddlers are little mirrors. She's showing me all about how I talk, gesture, socialise and parent by copying me back to myself. I start a though like "where have you got that frooo... OH! I do that!"

Sleep deprivation can creep up on you slowly. Months of broken sleep, even if you're getting a good 6-7 hours a night, can accumulate and all of a sudden you realise you're exhausted, stupid and demotivated. That's happened. Steve's taking over the night shifts for a few nights. Two in and I feel like a new woman. Sleep is good.

Birthdays are brilliant and I am going to indulge in celebrating mine more each year. Why not? I'm always all about an excuse for a celebration, but seem to always forget my own birthday... Surely there's more to celebrate as you get older?

Babyhoods are shorter than I ever knew. Bow is 9 months. Countdown to 1st birthday. How tragic. I know I bore on about it all the time but seriously... Babyhoods are SHORT.

Some snaps from a day trip to Finchingfield... Little less known fact... I grew up around here... How beautiful?! How lucky that I get to be nostalgic in a place with such fab tea rooms?!

A Family on the Farm...

Just thought I'd share some recent work of some lovely people who very kindly have allowed me to share with you... What a bundle of energy this little boy was and an absolute testament to what a wonderful influence fresh air and muddy puddles have on a childhood! What a life to have such a platform for adventure on tap!