First birthday as a Mummy...

Turning 28. My first 30th July as a Mummy... 

Oh and it makes do the forbidden and wish her babyhood away and long for mornings like this with homemade cards and hideous kiddie chosen costume jewellery gifts! I remember bringing my Mum tea in bed that I'd made in the microwave because I wasn't allowed to use the kettle and being far too pleased with myself for her to NOT drink it. Fingers crossed for all those wonderful birthday mornings and a Daddy that brings back up Starbucks.

Lesson:

None. Just kids are cool. Firsts with kids are awesome. This is what it's ALL about. Everything.

LOVING my baby carrier...

During pregnancy I was seduced by the outdoorsy family dream that the Babu Bjorn ACTIVE baby barrier was selling and I have to say it was a GREAT purchase. Especially in the last 2 weeks where we have found little lady A is more than capable of facing forward and with it being on so much more interactive with the world. So I am on a mission to make the absolute most this time with her being a carry-able size...

Lessons:

1. I wear too many white tops.

2. Make the most of this... She won't want to be this close to me all the time forever.

Acceptance...

Last week at Mum & Baby yoga my teacher said something about acceptance in reference to meditation. It stuck and it grew in my head. Acceptance.

I'm thinking EVERYTHING about caring for a baby is about acceptance. Accept this baby has to feed every two hours. Accept that babies cry. Accept your responsibility. Accept their relentless growing up. Accept that you had a routine down yesterday and today you have nothing but chaos. Accept regression. Accept the fact it's 3:00am and you are not asleep. Accept being tired. Accept your baby has a dummy and is wearing ALL pink and this is so not the earth mothering non-gender-reinforcing avenue you'd imagined. Just say, to whatever is happening, yes this is happening.

So much about this whole process is made harder when we fight it. Fight the growth spurt that has your baby screaming for hourly feeds. Fight the night feeds. Fight the noise. Fight the dirty nappies and puke. Fight the endless dirty washing. And fight the image that looks back at you in the mirror. I do it. We all do it.

My sister once told me her health visitor told her that she found it was rarely the teenage mums with no income and surprise pregnancies that got post natal depression. She said it was more the mums with planned babies of 30+ year olds in stable marriages with good careers. Why? Because of the expectations the older mums had had time to build up. The books they'd read and course they'd taken etc all helped to build this fixed image of how everything would be with a baby and of course NOTHING in life and especially with a baby is ever what you think it's going to be. So they have a  much harder time accepting the reality when you have a firmer idea of what "should" have been. (FTR NOT saying I agree that this is where PND comes from just an interesting point.)

HAVING SAID THAT... saying the lesson is we need to accept everything all the time is dumb. I can't do that. You can't do that. I even doubt my baggy trouser wearing, seed eating, soft speaking, "zen-ed out", bare footed yoga teacher can do that. BUT it's good to keep at the back of our minds. Good to remember sometimes. Every so often. Mostly at 3:00am. And 4:00am. Well between the hours of 12 and 6:00. And when we're covered in vomit. You know, when we need it.

Peace out.

Sleep regression and the dummy...

Little catch up on baby A's latest exploits in the sleeping department... It appears she's been going through what they call a "4 month sleep regression". After a LOT of googling I can tell you the short hand version is when they are NEW newborn they basically have one stage of asleep and that's ZONKO. Like completely out of it. Like a drunk guy on the last train who goes so far past his stop he ends up in the train docking place. (This happened to a guy at husbands work, true story.) At about 4 months (which really means somewhere between 3-5 months) their sleep starts to develop to like how an adult sleeps, in stages. These stages (there are 7 or 9 or something) going in cycles for about 45-90 minutes. In one of those stages they wake up, like we do. This is the part where we shane position, readjust the pillow, kick partner for snoring etc etc

Why is this bad for babies? Well because babies aren't great at getting themselves back off to sleep. Especially my one. Especially my one who's Mummy is a bit of a one trick pony when it comes to getting her to sleep and that trick is feeding. Team this with the fact that about 4 weeks ago for no conceivable reason (to me) she suddenly started refusing to self settle. It seems she's started doing that thing that kids do up until they become teenagers where they fight the urge to fall asleep. (Perhaps they develop FOMO? Thats fear of missing out for those of you who don't listen to Chris Moyles.)

So I had three main problems:

1. She needs to be sound asleep before I put her in her cot and even then it usually took a few gos and the longer it takes the more overtired she gets and the lighter she sleeps... vicious circle that leaves me crying on the stairs.
2. When she wakes up she needs me to come and feed her to get her back off, which means my once sleeping through baby is now "creating feeds".
3. My incessant need to check things off lists makes me go WHAT?! But you were sleeping through?! No one told me once you get them sleeping through they might start waking again! GAH!!!! I thought I had this checked off!!

Solutions that did NOT work...

• Pick up put down a la Baby Whisperer (short book review - s'ok, some good theories, little idealistic and unforgiving). This made her HYSTERICAL! In a "why are you toying with my emotions and picking me up and putting me back down again" kinda way.
• Retreat method, it is what it sounds like. You gradually retreat in stages. She didn't like it in a "if you're RIGHT THERE how am I supposed to sleep? I'd rather have a cuddle thanks" kind way.
• Controlled crying (controversial I was against it until I spoke to a surprising amount of people who were pro and did ALOT of reading) my rationale was  it's the clearest message. I'm not there so you can't be cuddled. If I thought about her little baby brain being very linear in it's rationale it kind of made sense. Anyway I thought I'd give it a go but I wasn't going to let her get too upset. Ironically it was the least traumatic of the 3. It didn't work but her upset didn't escalate like with the others. She cried but her cry stayed at medium level, like a 5/10 on the cry-ometer.

What DID work?

A dummy.

It did. It's genius and after a lot of thinking and googling about pros and cons on the dummy I'm happy it worked. We're going to be strict, it's only going to be for nighttime. But it's a wonderful comfort for her, she finishes her last feed and I pop it in and she goes in to the cot with out a peep. After the first night and seeing her wonderfully well rested, content, happy and able to nap as she wasn't overtired I am all for it. Happy baby = happy Mummy. 

It's weird because before I had her I was all pro dummy. I had a dummy, my sisters used dummies. People get rid of them successfully. As long as they're managed responsibly children will adapt and give them up. BUT I have to say when faced with actually GIVING it to her I freaked a little. No reason, no new knowledge of the evils of the dummy inspired this. Just simply the fact she was MY baby and MY responsibility made me doubt myself. Like I say though it seems to be the right thing for now and I am making an informed decision. Must ignore crazy Mummy hormones and insecurities and go with the logical.

Lessons:

1. Knowledge is KING! Read read read and try everything. I don't think any ONE book will work for any ONE person except for the person who wrote it but bits from ten books will. 
2. Never underestimate this Mummying's ability to make you doubt yourself and that's what Daddy's are for. They're that little voice of reason that helps you to step out of your emotions and make good logical decisions. Use it/them.

Keepsake teddies... CUTE!

As baby Alexander keeps relentlessly growing (and breaking my heart as a result) I can't help but try to think of ways to commemorate her babyhood. Newest way I've found are these keepsake teddy bears... basically you select a few items of your favourite clothing, send them off and they will make a teddy out of them! So adorable!

One of the best sites I can find so far are Bubs Bears (they also have a Facebook page)... I've stolen a couple of their pics to show you...

Aren't they BEAUTIFUL?! 

Prices seems around the £20-£30 mark which is expensive for a regular teddy but I think reasonable if you are looking at it like a "I'll keep this forever teddy". They say they are not suitable for under 14's but personally I don't really think this would be a teddy to play with, more one to display and keep nice so you can use it reminisce later on down the line.

Now just to debate WHO'S teddy would this be? Mummy's or baby's? And how do you choose which clothes to use? I'll have to get five!!

Lessons learnt:

1. Creative keepsakes are awesome. 
2. Babies get big far too quickly. 

Catch up...

So it's been a while. Apologies to my one follower...

Aaaaanyway... What's new? Been abroad! With a baby! Wow! I remember being in my third trimester and panic buying dried pasta, jarred food and tins of everything utterly convinced I would NEVER be able to leave the house once the baby arrived. Now look at me! (Slight smug moment.)

Well in a nutshell it was great! I kind of started to dread it, I imagined it would just be like being at home but somewhere hot and therefore not a holiday at all. But it wasn't and it made me realise... a baby... when you take away the hoovering, dusting, cleaning, picking up, tidying, cooking, washing etc  out of the equation... is reasonably easy!

So since then I've been on this train of thought about how much house work is necessary? I'm a big fan of being in a clean house and I love relaxing in a gorgeous pristine room but how pristine can any of my house ever be with a baby? They come with an undeniable amount of clutter. Things I use hourly include baby wipes, muslins, dribble bibs, changing mat, bouncey chair and a couple of Lamaze toys. Those alone strewn across my lounge floor make the place look untidy. Then add my book, tv remote, monitor, nappy cream and a few other bits from the night before and we're in "cluttered" territory! So what's the point in trying?

Lesson - I know the lesson is to do what I need to and learn to live with the "necessary mess" but for a little while I suspect I'll continue to work against the tide... To be continued.